Most of us like to do what we're good at. I certainly do. In fact, I've had to admit to myself that I sometimes avoid learning to do new things if early attempts suggest a long, rocky road that I think will lead ultimately to a pinnacle of mediocrity. Early in life, the desire to be the best, beyond merely doing my best, drilled its roots into my psyche, and I've rarely been free of that terrible demand. It has robbed me of many experiences that I've steered away from, and a good deal of pleasure that I might have derived from what I have worked at. If I don't progress rapidly and believe that my efforts will yield exceptional results, it is very difficult for me to persist. For that reason, I've always admired people with modest talents who have persevered to produce the best they can, regardless of the hopelessness of ever attaining anything remarkable in their field.
So, drawing and posting my work has been difficult. This portrait drawing exercise that I've been working at recently has been expecially hard on my self image as an artist. I'm not good at it, and I have extremely high standards that I may never actually reach. This morning's self portrait is a case in point. There are sections of it, like the mouth, that are pretty convincing, yet overall, it is definitely student work. I'm still working on representation, and beyond that lies the vast territory of expression and content. It's daunting and it would be much easier to just do what I'm good at. But I'm tired of protecting myself from failure. And as a father, it is my duty to set an example for my children. I'm going to endeavor to persevere.
11 9/16 x 8 1/4, 2B graphite pencil
Scott A. Stultz
